the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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