And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize