so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
