Only a mothe r could love this liver
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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