You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
