Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
