He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
