Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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