is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
