Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
