i think my tv is drunk
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Success! We fucked roommates!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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