i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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