How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
