He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
