I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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