omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
