so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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