I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
