Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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