Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize