If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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