I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
