It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
