I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
