guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
