If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
