**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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