So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
