I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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