You don't have asthma, your pregnant
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
