I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
