Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
