is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
