Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
