Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
