and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
