Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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