You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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