You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
