I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize