No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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