why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
