i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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