Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
