i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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