the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
