Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
