I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
