I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
