If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
