Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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