david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
