When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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