my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Sorry about my life...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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