Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
