We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
