I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
