At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
