i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
