You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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