Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
