He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
