I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
