do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
