I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
PANTIES FOUND
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
