It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
