His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
