so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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