Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Couch. On fire.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
