Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
