i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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