i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
