Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
