i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Vodka?
Forever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
