Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
